


You Call That Coffee?? Or; How to Really Piss of an Archaeologist 101

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-13
Updated: 2006-03-13
Packaged: 2019-02-02 07:17:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12722094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Jack almost loses his lover...and several fairly important body parts.





	You Call That Coffee?? Or; How to Really Piss of an Archaeologist 101

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

  
Author's notes: Daniel gets rather angry.  


* * *

"Grrrmph"

_Ah, Daniel first thing in the morning,_ Jack mused, silently. _The mussed up hair, the warm, satin skin, the irresistible ass snugged up against my morning hard-on and that beautiful post-sex-morning-after smell that drives me halfway out of my mind. Just perfect._

He nuzzled his erection into the crack in Daniel's ass a little further. 

"Jaaack?" 

Daniel's voice was thick with sleep, and although there was the merest hint of irritation in it, there was also, Jack hoped, the slightest stirring of interest. 

"Daaaniel?" 

"Hrrmph." 

Daniel turned to lie on his stomach, leaving poor Jack's aching dick with nowhere to go. 

"Party pooper." 

"Hrrmph." Daniel turned his head on the pillow to face the source of his delight, delectation and total frustration all in the same gorgeous package. "Jack," he sighed sleepily, "You have two options. Option one, my ass is there, take it if you want it, but don't expect me to move. Option two, go get me some caffeine and I'll be a more than willing participant." 

Jack passed his eyes lecherously over his lover's back, fondling his round, firm buttocks sensuously. "Option one looks pretty attractive from where I'm looking, and I don't have to get out into the cold." 

"Then go for it babe, the lube's under the pillow. Don't even think about fucking me without it." 

"Hmmm," Jack pondered. 

"On the other hand," Daniel continued, snuggling into Jack's neck, "if you make us some coffee, I could make it worth your while later -" 

Jack leaned back and closed his eyes, that mouth would be the death of him, no doubt about it. As attractive as the idea of taking his completely compliant archaeologist was, Daniel was **much** more fun when he was joining in. He had a particularly talented tongue. It was hot - and wet - and extremely agile - and - 

Jack sprung out of bed and was halfway to the kitchen in seconds. Daniel rolled over onto his back and put his hands beneath his head, giggling in triumph. 

"God, O'Neill, you are soooo easy." 

Several minutes later, Daniel's experienced nostrils twitched with interest and he smiled, even before his sleep filled eyes opened. 

"Hmmm. Arabica. Kenyan maybe? I'm not completely sure of this blend. What is it?" 

Jack set the tray down on the night stand next to Daniel's side of the bed, so that his lover could begin to absorb the caffeine through osmosis before he had to make the effort to bring the steaming mug to his lips. 

"Don't know. It's a green packet. I got back from work yesterday and realised I'd run out." 

Daniel's eyes widened in horror, "Run out? Way to make a guy feel special, Jack." 

Jack slipped back under the covers and laid his head on his lover's shoulder, "Sorry," he whispered, "Still, I went straight back out to the store, in the rain, aching all over, you **know** what the damp weather does to my knees and back, just to get you - " 

Daniel smiled sympathetically, "I know, I know. Broken down old codger, you." He patted Jack affectionately on the thigh. "I appreciate it, honey, I really do." He sighed as he brought the mug to his lips, savouring the aroma and delighting in the anticipation of his first sip of the day. 

The dark, bitter liquid trickled down his throat, warming him from the inside out and then - 

Jack turned to look at him. Daniel had frozen, looking like he'd just been zatted. 

"Daniel?" 

Daniel's head slowly turned, and by the look on his face Jack wondered if it was going to go all the way around. 

"Did you say - **green**?" 

"Er, yeah." 

**"GREEN??!!!"**

Jack began to move swiftly out of range as the fury bubbled up like a red blanket under Daniel's skin, up his chest, into his neck, making the veins stand out and then into his face. Jack was sure there would be steam coming out of his ears any second. 

The air turned blue, as a stream of Arabic poured venomously out of Daniel's mouth. Jack's Arabic was very rusty and he only managed to catch a couple of words, but the curse 'May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your asshole,' sprang immediately to mind. 

"Danny, wait a minute, what did I -" 

Daniel was out of bed and looming over him like a large and extremely pissed off Unas, flecks of spit festooning his mouth as he grunted in rage. 

"DO? Is that the word your feeble brain is scratching for, Jack? What did you - DO?" 

"Ah - I mean - I - ah - is it - the coffee?" 

Daniel snorted, "Humph. This isn't **coffee** Jack, IT'S FUCKING SWILL! IT'S FUCKING DECAF, JACK! ARE YOU COMPLETELY FUCKING BRAINLESS? GREEN PACKAGE - DECAF. RED PACKAGE - REGULAR!!! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU, JACK? WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO MAKE THAT USELESS THING BETWEEN YOUR EARS **WORK** FOR A CHANGE??" 

Daniel grabbed him by the neck and dragged him bodily into the kitchen, where the offending article was on the counter. Still with one hand on Jack' s neck, Daniel pointed at the package with the other and spelled out the word for him. 

**"D - E - C - A - FUCKING CAF!! YOU FUCKING MORON!"**

"Whoa, Daniel. It's coffee. I can go get some more. You don't have to make a goddamned war out of it. And let me go, this ain't funny anymore." 

Daniel started back, his expression slightly dazed, and sank heavily down onto the wooden chair behind him, panting for breath. 

"Danny? You okay?" 

Daniel nodded, then leaned onto the table, head in hands. "It's an addiction, Jack. It may not be a narcotic, but you can't go giving a caffeine addict decaf. D'you know, there are two reasons why I'd leave you. Only two. If you lost or destroyed my books, or you gave me decaffeinated coffee. You could go off and fuck whomever you wanted, hell, you could turn straight again and marry Sam and I'd happily forgive you, but giving me decaf? Jesus, Jack. I thought you loved me." 

Jack couldn't hold back the giggle which rumbled up through his chest. 

"Christ, Danny. It's coffee." 

Daniel stared into his eyes, "It's not coffee, Jack, it's **thinking**." 

Jack walked around the table and put his arms around his lover, "I'm sorry I was an asshole. I'll get some leaded. I promise. Now. Can we get back to what we were doing before?" 

"No Jack, you don't lay a hand on me until I get my coffee. The real stuff, not this - this - fuck. I speak 23 languages and I can't come up with anything bad enough to describe it. This - **insult** ," he spat, " to the coffee bean." 

"But Daniel," Jack whined, "it's **cold** out there, and it's **snowing** , and it's only 7 in the morning, and - " 

Daniel froze and broke away from his grip, sliding across the kitchen to avoid any physical contact. He smiled, wickedly, "7-11 is open 24 hours, Jack." 

Jack moved towards him, arms outstretched, "But Daaaaniel -" 

"Fuck off away from me, Jack. Clothes. Keys. Coffee. Or - " Daniel moved closer to whisper in Jack's ear, so close that he could feel Daniel's lips tracing around the shell, which sent shivers of pleasure all the way down to the end of his dick. 

"No lips, Jack. No tongue, Jack. No dick, Jack. Ever. Not yours into me, or - " he licked gently around the edge of Jack's ear, sending the blood rushing southward, " mine -" he darted the tip in and out, "into you." 

The door slammed hard as Jack shut it behind him. "Green package, decaf, red package regular. Jesus, Mary and Joseph how fucking **dumb** can a guy be? Red package, red package, red package -" he muttered, as the car jolted out onto the main road. 

A mere half hour later (a record for a return trip to the 7-11) the pot was beginning to bubble under the watchful gaze of a nervous Colonel and an anxious and impatient archaeologist. The red package of Folger's sat beside the percolator, blissfully unaware of the near apocalyptic scene which had transpired before its arrival. 

Daniel sipped from the hot nectar, the slickness and smoothness gliding down his throat. As the caffeine hit his bloodstream, Daniel emitted a satisfied sigh. Almost like his post-orgasm sigh, Jack thought with a tinge of disappointment, _All my effort in bed, and all I need to do to get that sound out of him, is give him a cup of fucking coffee. Jeez!_

Daniel drained the mug and set it down on the table. "Thanks Jack. Great cuppa coffee. Now -" 

"Now?" 

The mischievous glint in Daniel's eye made Jack smile. 

"Now. The make-up sex." 

"Oooh. Now we're talkin'!" Jack rubbed his hands together with glee. 

His lover grinned, "Talk? You want me to talk, Jack?" 

Jack's throat suddenly became tight and his head swam as all the blood drained from his brain and into his dick. He nodded, as Daniel moved towards him, stalking him like a big cat. 

"Shall I tell you what I want?" he purred. 

Jack nodded again. 

"I want you to lead me to bed, Jack. I want you to lay me down gently. I want you to kiss me. Slide your tongue in - and - out of my mouth, licking around my teeth, tasting every inch. I want you to bite my neck in all the places you know I love." 

Jack gulped. 

"Then I want you to tease my nipples with your teeth and your fingers, and then while your teeth are busy worrying at my nipples, I want you to trace your hand down and grasp my shaft. Would you like to know how hard I am, just thinking about it?" 

Daniel adjusted his flannel, pyjama trousers so that his cock sprang out through the hole. 

"Jesus," Jack panted, adjusting his own erection, cruelly and painfully constrained by his chinos. He put out his hand to touch his lover and was rewarded by Daniel moving just out of reach and putting his cock safely back inside his PJ's. 

"Not quite, Jack, but I can be pretty damned god-like when I put my mind to it." 

"Dammit Danny, don't tease me. You know it makes me so hot I could fuck you into the middle of the next century," Jack whispered, his hands clenching into fists, trying desperately not to grab his young lover and throw him over his shoulder. 

Daniel put on his very best smouldering, through the eyelashes look and held out his hand. "I don't want you to fuck me, Jack.Take me to bed and make love to me." 

They stood in the bedroom, face to face, a little of the morning sunshine filtering in through the curtains. It sent shards of gold skittering across the wooden floor and across the white cotton sheets, rumpled from the action of the night before. Both discarded their clothing in silence then Jack stroked Daniel's cheek with the back of his hand. Daniel's eyes closed as he leaned into the caress, his long eyelashes glistening. Jack sighed softly, his eyes taking in every detail of his beautiful lover's face. 

"I do love you, Danny. You know that, don't you? I'm sorry about the -" 

Daniel opened his eyes, the blue almost gone, replaced by black. He brought up his finger and gently placed it on Jack's lips, "Show me," he whispered, not teasing now. The smile was gone and the glint in Daniel's eyes had turned to smouldering desire. 

Jack moaned, taking Daniel in his arms and capturing his mouth in a bruising kiss. 

They lay down on the bed and rolled into a close embrace. Jack kissed him, softly, gently suckling his bottom lip, then traced his jaw with equally delicate kisses as his hands moved over Daniel's body. Jack's hand paused at his nipples, pinching and stroking just the way Jack knew his lover liked it, gentle moans of pleasure filling the air as his callused hands did their work. 

_No rush, Jack. You love this man with everything you have. Show him just how much and get rid of any doubt in his mind that he's your universe. Your reason. Show him, Jack._

Jack's lips and hands danced and traced lightly over Daniel's hot skin as the younger man's body writhed and jerked beneath his touch. He'd begun to mumble softly in Abydonian, a sure sign that he was rushing towards the edge of the cliff. Jack rolled him onto his back, covering his body, their hard cocks sliding against each other smoothly, the friction eased and intensified all at once by the shared precum mingling with their sweat. 

"Inside me, Jack. Please. I - I need you inside me," Daniel murmured, his warm breath making the hairs on Jack's neck stand on end. 

Jack moaned and retrieved the lube from its home under Daniel's pillow. Each one's eyes open and locked on the other's, Jack flipped open the tube and warmed some of the viscous gel in his hands. He gasped as he coated his hot, throbbing member with a little of the still cool slickness, seeing the same reaction from his lover as he gently coated Daniel's cock too. Daniel instinctively drew up his knees for Jack to prepare him. Jack gazed down at the entrance to his lover's body, briefly wanting to taste him, savour that secret place, drive Daniel out of his mind with his tongue the way Daniel had taught him. 

'Later, save it for later,' Jack told himself. 

"Jack? Aaah - " Daniel threw back his head and hissed when Jack's lubed fingers traced their way around his tight pucker, then slipped inside. 

_Answer all his questions, Jack. Take his breath away. Make damned sure he **knows**._

Jack's fingers stroked and scissored inside the younger man, making him growl and hiss and moan, making sounds Jack knew only a chosen few had heard. He could drive Daniel wild, make him jabber, mumble, cry out in so many different languages. He could do this. Jack O'Neill. Relationship fuck up. But not with Danny. This time he wouldn't fuck up, Daniel wouldn't let him. Daniel knew him so well, all his secrets, nothing held back. Ever. 

When Jack was sure his lover was ready for him, he positioned himself with one hand, bracing himself on Daniel's thigh with the other and slid inside, smoothly, not missing a beat. Daniel's legs wrapped tight around him and Jack shuddered as the tight muscles gripped him hard. 

Daniel's eyes were open, his love and his very soul laid out for Jack to see. "Do it. Now. Please." 

Jack's hips began to rock in the age old rhythm, stroking in and out, deep strokes, then shallow, angling to stimulate Daniel's sensitive gland. Daniel's head rolled and thrashed from side to side on the white pillow, as he whispered almost constantly in Russian, Arabic, Abydonian, Italian. It didn't matter that Jack didn't understand the language, he knew what Daniel was saying. Daniel loved him, loved this, having Jack inside him, blowing his mind, making love, not fucking. As tracers flew behind Daniel's eyelids, the sensation suddenly became too much for mere words, and Daniel caught his lip between his teeth, arching so that only the back of his head was touching the bed. 

His orgasm took them both by surprise, a strangled cry, then pearly white cum suddenly jetting onto Daniel's stomach with no encouragement from Jack's or his own hands. Jack gripped Daniel's thighs tightly, as his own orgasm rushed upon him and he buried himself as deep as his length would allow, pouring out his own cum into his lover's accepting body. 

_Never deep enough. Never. I want all of you, Danny. I need all of you._

Daniel cradled him through the aftershocks, stroking his hair. Jack's head rested on his lover's shoulder, his softening dick still nestled inside. Daniel had no intention of letting him move and Jack had no intention of moving. 

"Love you, Danny." 

"I know, Jack. I love you, too." 

"Don't let me fuck this up. Promise me. If I'm being an asshole, tell me, but please, don't let me fuck this up. I am totally screwed if I ever lose you." 

"I'm not going anywhere. Christ, Jack. I'd take a staff weapon blast for you without any hesitation, but I swear to God, if you ever give me decaf again, I'll fucking kill you myself." 

Jack rolled off him and roared with laughter. "And I always thought **I** was the romantic in this relationship." 

"I **can** be," Daniel smiled, "but since we're still making up, is there any coffee left in that pot?" 

"For you, Danny? Anything." 

fin


End file.
